Inbreeds ,Yokels and the Zombie Apocalypse

Hello kiddies. I've decided to blog about a little event that took place not too long ago in the town I live in. Well I really wouldn't call it a town more like a village except where villages typically display one village idiot this place decided” why not make us a whole fucking town of idiots!” The “village” consists of two gas stations. One across the street from the police station, that’s also located within the “town” park and youth center.

It has a “market” which really isn't a market more like a gas station with no gas. The market sells everything you get in a gas station with a few additions; Fishing bait, an assortment of glass pipes, wine and beer, Incense and a man behind the counter whose name is clearly not bob. This is not a stereo type folks. So don’t get your panties all wet on your soap box. I love my Indian guys at the Valaro station. I have been going there 10 years. I pull up; they see my car and BAM!  Waiting for me on the counter are my cigs and Starbucks coffee.  They have never tried “blending” in by introducing themselves as Tom,Hank,Bob,Bill or jack; as a matter of fact I have no idea what their names are. Not that I haven’t been told at one point but if I can’t pronounce It I sure the fuck am not going to remember it.
 Anyways, back to the topic at hand. So where was I, oh yeah! The “Village” is also still segregated. No I’m not being facetious; Blacks on one side, whites on the other. The Market place is the neutral zone. I figured that out when I noticed it’s the only establishment in the “Village” that I've noticed A Tyrone or Bubba intermingling together with awkward casualness. On the fourth of July the “village” intermingles on a wider scale to watch the dump truck parade; yes I said dump truck folks. Candy is thrown from the patriotic dump trucks to the delight of the village children who eerily remind you of the creepy kids in “children of the corn” the parade finishes with a truck that has two front ends to the amazement of the onlookers that seen that same damn truck last year just a different fucking color. Seriously people!
 So the “event’ as I’m calling it.  Event isn't really a good name for what transpired but I literally put my brain cells in danger trying to properly name it. The “event” unfortunately involved my two youngest sons. One was 10 at the time and the other 8.  Unfortunately the father of my boys is a local and seriously could claim the village idiot of the year award for life if they had one. He allows the boys to go to the park unattended four blocks away from the house. Fuck that story on channel 9 about the creeper snatching up little Susie! What retard would take that shit serious! Sure there’s over 40 registered offenders living in the “village” but I’m sure they have a good explanation as to why they had their hands down little Tommie’s pants. (insert sarcasm here! here! and here!!)
     Now this park is also the hangout spot for the local teenagers destined to be prison pussy or driving a blacked out creeper van.  This is the pot spot. How I found out was my youngest telling me all about how the older kids gave his brother a blunt and what’s a blunt mom? Is that pot! Guess what they did mom! They pulled his hood over his head and filled it with smoke and made me hold it!!!!.... Now don’t do shit with my youngest around cause the boy will fuck your spot up just for the sake of it and because he’s the smallest. He’s more than willing to rat himself out if it’ll ruin your day. He will pretend to be just as pissed and upset for getting in trouble with you while playing the “but I was honest card”. However you can literally feel his grin of victory once the bedroom door shuts.
    Now as my youngest is going on with every last detail I’m still lost in parental shock that my 8 and 10 year old have tried pot. Silently you’re cussing your ass out for laughing at those goofy ass pamphlets on “how to talk to kids about drugs”  as your kids life flashes before your eyes from casual pot smoker to banged up junkie by 18 with Billy jean from the trailer park pregnant on fucking Maury doing a “whose my baby daddy” segment! Well that’s enough to snap my ass out of silent hysteria. However no matter how tough or how strict you are you will panic, you will be unprepared you will have a grossly exaggerated vision of your kids future or lack thereof and if you’re not a one of those fucking morons that bought a time out light for JR there when he was a toddler that alone should snap ya out of it.  No we’re not going to have a little sit down and gently explain the dangers of drugs, strangers etc. we’re not going to have an Oprah moment or start hitting the yellow pages for family therapy. It’ll be loud possibly painful but I promise not forgotten.  They don’t need to understand why until they understand how swiftly your foot can maneuver up their ass and stay that way till the end of days.
     Naturally when I get done engraving my utter displeasure into their little brains I move right along to the prison pussy van fuckers that got my babies high!  Not only do I need to engrave the fear of God in my boys I need them to see exactly how shit will go down for them if taken lightly by seeking out the prison pussy bitches. Off to the park we go boys kicking and screaming the whole way there; pleading with me not to cause a scene at the park. I’m not a conventional mom; so unfortunately for them I plan on getting my point across by all means necessary with no care or concern that the prison pussies may even have a point or maybe their home life Is unbearable There age, 16 and 17, is also of no consequence either. I will take utter pleasure in verbally ripping whatever shred of self-esteem they may have left to pieces. I mean for fucks sake I smoked my share of pot when I was 16 and it never dawned on me to get a fucking 8 year high! That’s fucking creepy ass behavior future serial kid creeper!
    Pulling right on up to the park I decide to attempt to handle things more rationally. So I go to the police station which as I mentioned before is in the park. I go in and I’m immediately directed to the 7-11 across the street. Seriously? All righty then. Across the street I go into the store and proceed to the police officer just hanging out at the counter.
 Me: “excuse me I’d like to make a police report concerning that group of teenagers sitting over there across the street”
 Officer: “um ok ma’am but I’m the only one on duty right now”
Blank stare streams across my face as I try to figure out how that’s relevant..Is there a two cop minimum required to fill out a police report? One to actually take the report and one to hold the down the fort here at 7-11?!!
 ME: “these are my two sons 8 and 10. Apparently that group of wasted skin enjoys pushing drugs on kids. Both my boys were given drugs at the park and one of my boys was held down while they blew pot smoke in his face. I want to file a report and press charges immediately”
Now I truly thought this was going to be a pretty straight forward thing. Explain the situation,cop asks my boys what happened and we move right along to filing a report. Yet here we still stand in stony silence in fucking 7-11 while Opie here slurps his big gulp. Now this isn't awkward at all (insert ,no pour in sarcasm here!)
 Officer: “well ma’am there really isn't much I can do I mean I’m the only one on  duty. You can come in on Monday and talk to the chief he’s in Indiana buying us some new cruisers and a truck..”
Me: “umm sir”
Officer: “yes mamma”
Me: “what exactly do you do?
Officer: "Pardon me ma'am ?"
 Me: " whaaat  exaaactllly  doo  y o u  dooo!
You know how some of the lesser intelligent of our species runs into some foreigners on vacation who don't speak English and in order to communicate they speak very slow exaggerating every syllable assuming Carlos or won-lee there will understand. yeah I thought id give that approach a go but judging by the intense look of confusion on Opies face there it was ineffective.
 ME: "See Officer,and I say that lightly, I'm a tad confused. Your dressed like a cop. have a badge so  are you like a fucking prop cop maybe? Or you do just play one on TV? Am I missing something here cause I’m not fucking understanding why I can’t file a report and why you’re babbling to me about new cruisers! Is it the walk all the way across the street that gives you pause? The idea of being so far away from the fucking Slurpee machine!!  Are you fucking kidding me?”
Now this is the scene that’s ready to explode the boys were pleading with me to not have but my voice is still steady so were still good.
 Officer: “ma’am see ya got to understand these things take time. We need to organize these things. Get permission. We can’t just approach kids. We need to organize a sting operation and if you’re willing to have your boy wired we can maybe send him in there,mark some dollar bills…”
See its right about at this point where I’m debating if this fucking yokel is just that good of an asshole to say this shit with a straight fucking face or if he’s truly this fucking retarded. Either way it goes clearly this kind of mind set can only be explained by something equally as fucking mind boggling and only one thing comes to mind considering the location. Inbreeding is not recommended for a reason!! Holy shit if these yokels branch out of their “village” were going to have a serious fucking problem on our hands. Intermingling run of the mill stupid with inbreed stupid just may bring on an actual zombie apocalypse. Limber up bitches and double tap that shit!!
 ME: “Shit well how about this Opie. We can just forgo the fucking police report and I’ll throw some donuts in their direction as incentive to walk your ass over there and make your presence known at least. We’re not talking the fucking cartel here!!”
 Officer:” ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to calm down. I understand the nature of your distress but this can easily be misconstrued as aggression towards an officer”
ME: “How long did it take you to put that sentence together and practice that shit in mirror because no fucking chance in hell your yokel ass managed to put so many big words like distress and misconstrued in a sentence on the fucking fly!!
See things at this point started to break down rather quickly.  I've never been escorted out of a 7-11 before but I've also never used the word yokel before either till then. I have no fucking idea where that came from but it fit officer yoke it up the ass fairly well.
 I attempted to do the adult thing to no avail so now let’s go chit chat with prison pussy gang over there and come to an understanding. I have no qualm’s whooping somebodies  kid’s ass since there clear lack of parenting managed to find its way into my world space.  After a nice little chit chat describing in great detail how I intended extract their teeth from their ass if ever there very existence crosses paths with me again and receiving a lot of yes ma’am and I'm so sorry and blah blah blah I came up with an alternative.
 Facebook my friends has its useful moments. Want to put a 16 year old young man in check quick. Don’t be a first amendment slacker cram that shit down the punks throat so he clearly understands you’re potential to be critically unstable. Take his picture so you can make a public announcement to all in the area including his high school and any other social networks hangouts etc. Now after i posted and circulated the ring leader of the prison pussies picture through out Facebook and emailing it to every available high school chick,with the help of my older son and his friends, the social standing of the prison pussies literally went to shit. Of course I'll mention that my older son,16, whose a fucking giant was also a major deterrent to the creeper crew who avoid my boy like the fucking plague in school. (insert huge vindictive smile of victory)

well that's my rant for this evening folks !


Parents Beware!! This young mans name is Jake kuchler who frequents the park in lake helen and pushes drugs on children there as young as 8 years old! Dont let your kids play there unattended and assume that police station sitting right there keeps that little park safe for our children. Im beginning to suspect The station is more like a movie prop or just there for display